January 2011
1 post
October 2010
1 post
1 tag
James Bond, categorized for @lateandsoon
I love the Bond films too dearly to put them in a numbered list. It’s not that I don’t have my preferences; I very much do, but the line between my favorite Bond movie and my second favorite is blurry at best. However, being a severe nerd with at least mild OCD, I love to sort things. And so, at Scott “@lateandsoon” Rosann’s behest, I shall attempt to categorize...
July 2010
2 posts
Rooed
My mother was attacked by a kangaroo. She was sixteen, on a high school field trip to the zoo. Some boys were teasing a kangaroo, and she shooed them away. She walked to the chain-link fence that held the ‘roo, and started to soothe him. He reached through the fence, grabbed her, and started shaking her, dashing her against the fence over and over.
I love that story.
A Fourth of July
We lived on a tight-knit cul-de-sac. We all knew each other. Every Fourth of July, every family would bring a huge sack of fireworks to the middle of the cul-de-sac, and we would set them off for several hours. We kids all got hyped on popsicles, while the dads suddenly all became 15-year-old pyromaniacs, and the mothers all went bald from stress. On this particular Fourth of July, the only little...
April 2010
1 post
January 2010
8 posts
2 tags
Time Mellows All
You know, the kids at my school weren’t that bad. They had every opportunity to call me “Derek Fartz,” and believe me, I earned it, but they never did.
At least, not to my face.
Top Chefway: “Designers? Your challenge is to take a sheep’s stomach and turn it into a stylish purse. Please use the Bluefly offal wall thoughtfully.”
3 tags
Vomicles, Vol. 1
Vomit played a big role in my childhood. Some kids were scared of the monster in their closet; some were afraid of the dark; some were afraid of dogs. I was scared of vomiting. As you could imagine, this led to some stressful nights for me, since childhood is the second pukiest time in your life, right behind college. The following series of events would transpire seemingly every month. I’d...
Mission Statement
Hello. I am Derek Martz. I have started a blog, it seems. There is really very little reason for you to be reading this, but if you are, I really appreciate it. My aim is to share with you stories from my life, almost all embarrassing, as that covers most of my day, and musings on TV and movies. I hope you don’t find me to be obnoxious or repulsive. Let’s begin.