I love the Bond films too dearly to put them in a numbered list. It’s not that I don’t have my preferences; I very much do, but the line between my favorite Bond movie and my second favorite is blurry at best. However, being a severe nerd with at least mild OCD, I love to sort things. And so, at Scott “@lateandsoon” Rosann’s behest, I shall attempt to categorize them for you now.
(Of course, these are just my opinions, and I do not mean to say that these are the only ways you are allowed to feel about these movies.)
The Exemplars:
Dr. No - The first Bond film both defines the series’ typical formula and defies it. While it sets up so much, it’s also lower-key than your typical outing, and more detective-y.
From Russia With Love - This is possibly my favorite. It’s very exciting, it has the Orient Express, Robert Shaw, the Gypsy fight, Robert Shaw, the helicopter bomber, and Robert Shaw.
Goldfinger - I mean, come on.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service - Despite the Sam Worthington-like George Lazenby’s charisma-free performance, this is one of my favorites. There’s Diana Rigg(!!!), the bobsled chase, the gondola-wire-stunt-thing, and James Bond falling in love. It makes me cry sometimes.
Live and Let Die - Yes, the villain blows up like a balloon. Yes, there is the embarrassing Blaxploitation stuff. Yes, there is Sheriff Pepper. But, there is also Jane Seymour and Yaphet Kotto, the boat chase, the gators, Tee-Hee and Baron Samedi, and that bitchin’ theme song, with score by George Martin.
The Spy Who Loved Me - Jaws, Egypt, Cold War fun, and the villain’s underwater lair. That is all.
GoldenEye - I haven’t seen it in a while, but I really like it. Plus, it inspired GoldenEye 64.
Casino Royale - I’ll admit it. I boycotted Daniel Craig. Once I rented it, though, I felt so bad about that. The best Bond movie since the ’60s, with a fantastic Bond Girl, credit sequence, villain, theme song, and everything else. And Daniel Craig is a great Bond, if a bit too serious.
Pretty Damn Good:
Thunderball - The ponderous diving scenes keep this one from Exemplar status.
For Your Eyes Only - Maybe it’s only its proximity to Moonraker and Octopussy, but I really like this one. It’s like Roger Moore in a Daniel Craig Bond.
Tomorrow Never Dies - Pierce Brosnan is a great James Bond, and Michelle Yeoh is a great Bond girl. Add some fun stunts and some Jonathan Pryce scenery-chewing, and baby, you got a stew goin’!
Okay, I guess.:
You Only Live Twice - This one just feels kind of off to me. Sean’s clearly checking out, and the plot never really comes together, but it’s a Connery.
Diamonds Are Forever - Semi-painful, but some lines just make me laugh too much to dismiss this one completely. “One of us smells like a tart’s handkerchief.”
A View To A Kill - Christopher Walken, Patrick Macnee, Duran Duran, and Grace Jones manage to snatch this one from the discard pile. Just barely. Don’t mention Tanya Roberts. Please don’t mention Tanya Roberts.
The Living Daylights - I really don’t remember anything about this one except an ugly car, and sledding down a hill in a cello case.
No:
The Man With The Golden Gun - How do you screw up Christopher Lee as a Bond villain? With Herve Villechaize, one of the three stupidest Bond Girls ever, more Sheriff Pepper and a slide whistle.
Moonraker - Don’t bring Jaws back. Don’t send James Bond to space. Don’t give him a blaster from Star Wars. Don’t do space sex.
Octopussy - As I said on Twitter, alternately boring and forgettable, and clownishly ridiculous.
License to Kill - Late ’80s Lethal Weapon-style action by way of James Bond. As it turns out, that doesn’t work.
The World Is Not Enough - Denise. Richards.
Die Another Day - Despite the stunning Halle Berry, the stunning locations, and the stunning cars, Pierce Brosnan goes out in a sadly absurd fashion. And there’s Madonna. Plus, M would never leave Bond to dangle like that. (Can I just mention how much I love Judi Dench? A lot.)
Quantum of Solace - The plot? I don’t know what happened. The action? I don’t know what happened. The villain’s plan, motives, connections? I don’t know. The direction is awful. I walked out of that theater angry. Plus, I didn’t like the credit sequence or the intertitles. See how fancy they made me get with the formatting? That’s how disappointed I was. (But Judi Dench did swear, so there was that.)
Now, MGM, please sort yourself out so I can wash the taste of Quantum of Solace out of my mouth. I miss Moneypenny and Q.
We do not talk about Never Say Never Again. Never say “Never Say Never Again” again.
